Introducing Babbagail

Hello, dear reader!
My name is Abbey and all you need to know about me is that my booty be bonkin'. FIN. Move along, jigganaut.

Okay, I'll continue with the unimportant details. If I must.

As Cammie explained to you, we are on a mission.

I first discovered Love Stories when I was in middle school. Around the age of 11 or 12. I was heeeelly cool back then and not horrendous like Cammie at all. You would certainly believe this if you could see my sixth grade ID photo. Two greasy pigtails, an inexplicable Renaissance circlet, a pink and purple striped tank JUST tight enough to accentuate my curves (in this instance, curves = soul crushing rolls of fat...how did I still have internal organs??), and a gleaming pizza face. But what more could you expect from a sixth grader with a love of Tolstoy, Neopets, Broadway musicals, and, occasionally, Greenday?

Our parents are divorced and, during that time, I lived with our mom while Cammie lived with our dad at our old house. This house, we can all agree, had gone a bit downhill in the hygiene department. I would spend every other weekend there, which was preeeeetty unpleasant due to not having a bed, food, a dad, or enough Raid to kill all of the black widows who tried to join me in my not bed.

To escape this misery, I would usually hang out in Cammie's room while she slaved away at Century Theatres over a hot popper. (I almost said “slaved away over a hot pooper”...THAT was what she did once she got home.) While hanging in her room and trying not to be swallowed by a sea of sunflower seed shells, I discovered the Love Story series.

 I don't remember a lot of details, but I DO remember wanting to bang Jeff Danzig from “Love Happens.” Hard. (...However people did that. I didn't even have enough boob goin' on to remind me to wear a bra every day. There was some knowledge lacking.)

 Also, Ryan in “Falling for Ryan” drove me nuts! But somehow...he also DIDN'T. And he was so good at rock climbing!! Could I be falling for my WORST ENEMY?

Books like “Some Girls Do” gave me hope. Would a handsome rebel with defiant green eyes one day break through my prudish, teacher's pet exterior and show me love? I wondered as I applied my Clearasil and learned to use my first pad.

 It would be a while still before either of us would date for real, but LET ME TELL YOU. I learned everything I needed to know from the Love Stories. When I finally got asked out in the seventh grade, things got COMPLICATED. It began well. With the elation of being adored. Moved on to the amazing glow of new like, worked through horrific shyness. Eventually settled into the typical monotonous slump, and finally ended with the realization that things just could not be.

That was a hard week.

But if I've ever impressed my current boyfriend with my amazing flirting skills, womanly wiles, or colorful vocabulary he need look no further than “Hard to Resist.”

I'm totally PSYCHED to revisit these adolescent favorites. (For full nostalgia, I'm also considering not washing my hair for the year.) Hopefully, along the way, I will rediscover my own true capacity for Love.
Stories.